Pesto pizza with arugula and red onion on a flourless, grain-and-cauliflower-free crust

Pesto pizza with arugula and red onion on a flourless, grain-and-cauliflower-free crust

Okay, okay, I get it – you don’t eat grains or cheese, but YOU WANT PIZZA. You’ve got nothing in the house, it is exactly dinner time and you hand starts reaching for the phone to order in. But you live in Istanbul, Belize, or the Siberian Mountains and no one delivers dairy-free, grain-free pizza. (Do they anywhere? Pray tell in comments below.)

Put down the phone.

Have some potatoes? (Nightshade-free people, read below.)

A couple eggs?

Sea salt?

Brilliant. You’ve got pizza dough.

Vegans, avert your eyes.

Vegans, avert your eyes: ground beef and liver on flourless crust

Cauliflower upsets my stomach – most cruciferous vegetables do. My days of bulking up on steamed broccoli are over, and my experiments with cauliflower pizza crust left me bloated and gassy even after I eliminated cheese from the recipe. In a fit of desperation – most of my food experiments involve wanting something so bad I can’t think straight – I grabbed my hand-grater and started attacking my root veggies. Because if you ask me, if it can be grated, it can be made into anything: pancakes, crusts, and stay tuned for a shredded egg-free “omelet”. Every time I make this crust it is different because I use what is on hand. Please share your experiments with me!

Root Veggie Crust

(makes 2-12″ round pizza crusts)

Pre-heat oven to 200C (400F)

4 medium sized potatoes, grated*

2 eggs (egg-white sensitive folks, use 3 yolks)

2 tbsp olive oil

1 tsp sea salt

*SUBSTITUTIONS: replace one potato with 1 medium-sized grated zucchini; replace 1 potato with 1 large grated carrot, radish, or any root veggie you fancy; nightshade sensitive: use sweet potatoes instead of white; no sweet potatoes, you say? try a zucchini-carrot-radish combo (3 large carrots + 1 zucchini + a handful of radishes or 1 big radish) Note: too much zucchini and the crust will be very liquidy. I learned this the hard way.

Grate veggies into medium sized bowl, add eggs, oil, salt. Stir. I use round pizza pans with air holes and the “dough” leaks through the holes so I cut a circle of baking paper and line the pans first. Pour out dough mixture onto the parchment paper and spread as thin as possible. The thinner the mix, the crunchier the crust, but be careful not to leave gaps. Pre-bake crusts for 10-15 minutes until crust is golden. Add sauce and toppings of choice. Bake for another ten minutes until edges are crunchy. Eat your heart out.

Dairy-Free Sauce Ideas:

Pesto made with basil, lemon juice, olive oil, garlic, and sea salt (no need for parmesan, or nuts if you are sensitive)

Tomato-paste sauce (if you are not FODMAP sensitive) spunked up with garlic, basil, oregano olive oil, and thinned with water (when you are in a pinch and don’t have homemade sauce on hand)

Toppings:

Bacon, bacon, bacon… leftover shredded chicken breast, shredded kale/spinach/arugula, sauteed ground beef/lamb, liver

Now:

Ready, Set, GRATE!